Terms and Conditions
by TheHardestFall
Summary: Dianakko Week 2018 Entry! Day 3. Akko had been dating Diana for a semester and a half when it occured to her she had never heard her girlfriend laugh. Always with a knack for trouble, she gets into a bet with her friend Sucy over weither or not she could make the uptight girl laugh, then sets out to do whats believed to be the impossible.


Hello and welcome to my day 3 entry for Dianakko week 2018! I hope you all enjoy the story!

Also, Id like to thank my good friend and Beta, ImaginaryEngieer. I dont know how she puts up with my nutty antics, but she does, and with a smile no less!

Day 3: Laughter

Terms and Conditions

Halfway through her sandwich, Akko had a revelation.

She was mid-bite into her ham and cheese sandwich, looking out the window and watching the sunny May afternoon drift by when something dawned on her. Something so concerning, she backed off of her sandwich, her mouth still opened. She sat there, staring, for a full minute before Sucy finally noticed. "Akko?"

Lotte looked up at the comment and looked at her friend. "Hey, Akko? What's wrong?"

Sucy snicked. "Maybe that potion is finally working."

The soft-spoken young woman glared at her before turning back to Akko. "Hello? Akko?"

It took Lotte waving her hand in Akkos face to pull her back. She looked over at her friend, her eyes huge. "I-I've never heard it…"

"Akko you're worrying me, what's going on?"

"Lotte I've never heard it!"

"Heard what?"

"Diana! I've never heard her laugh!"

Her friends looked at her, then at each other, then back at her. Finally, Sucy spoke. "I'm surprised, she looks at your face enough."

"Sucy!"

"What? It's true."

Akko stood and put her hands on the table. "That's it,guys! I'm going to make her laugh!"

Sucy rolled her eyes. "You're not exactly funny Akko."

"What? Yes I am!" Akko yelled back, prompting Lotte to shush her and Sucy to snicker harder, which made Akkos blood come to a boil. "Stop laughing I can do it!"

"Wanna bet?"

"Yes!"

Lotte groaned and put her head in her hands, taking a deep breath before pulling out a notebook. This was definitely not the first time this had happened, and she had learned it was best to just write down the terms and conditions. Mainly to protect Akko from Sucy's cheating.

Sucy smiled an evil smile "Terms and conditions? I'll let the loser set the time limit."

Akko narrowed her eyes and leaned in across the table "One week. That's all the time I need!"

Lotte scribbled away.

"Deal. Now in the off chance, you miraculously manage to win?"

"You don't touch a single mushroom for two weeks!"

Sucy chuckled to herself. "Ok, sure Akko. Now if _I_ win, I get to use you as my guinea pig, no holds barred."

Lotte shook her head. "I don't think so! No killing, permanent maiming, or lasting emotional and or psychological trauma Sucy!"

"Lotte you're no fun."

The blonde gave her a look. "I promised Akkos mother after the last stupid bet that I wouldn't let you do something like that to Akko again. It took Diana, Professor Finnelan, Professor Lukic _and_ Head Mistress Holbrooke to fix her!"

The other young witch snicked. "That _was_ good, wasn't it?"

Akko rolled her eyes and plopped down into her chair. "No it wasn't! It took Chariot, Holbrooke, Finnelan, Lukic _and_ Nelson to stop Diana from maiming _you!"_

Sucy shrugged. " Fair price I say."

Lotte sighed and shook her head. " Sucy, either agree to the terms and conditions, or no bet."

Her friend mulled it over a minute before finally nodded her consent "Fine. We just need a second witness now."

Lotte leaned back and half turned in her chair to look at the table behind them. "Hey Amanda?"

The orange haired witch looked up and turned around in her seat. "Hey Lotte what's going on?"

The smaller witch sighed and held up the notebook. "They're at it again, can you witness?"

Amanda laughed as she turned around completely in her chair and scootch over to her friends table. "Again? Is Chariot on stand by?"

"Hey!"

The two ignored Akko. "No. There's a strict no harm clause."

Lotte indicated with her quill, causing Amanda to nod as she read. "Hmm...Oh, I think Akko needs to have some sort of witness or try and record it, so there's proof. And I'm adding another rule. If either of you tell the subject about this," Amanda looked up with a smirk "You both lose, and have to do my laundry for a month. No magic."

The table was silent as the competitors looked at each other for a few seconds, mulling it over, before they looked back at Amanda and nodded. "Alright, let's do this."

Lotte signed first, then passed to Amanda, who signed and passed to the competitors. Once the notebook was back to Lotte, Amanda looked down at her watch "Alright. In ten seconds it will be noon. And that's when it starts. Three...Two….One."

Game on.

 **(~~~~Day One~~~~)**

Akko stood behind a bookshelf in the library. About five feet away, her pray sat, reading alone and completely unaware. After spending the night reading jokes, Akko decided to take a more direct approach. The Tickle Attack.

She had no idea where Diana was ticklish, or if she was at all. But it was worth a shot. She looked across the aisle and gave a thumbs up to Constance, who was going to be her witness. The short girl nodded and returned it.

 _Alright, here we go._

Akko crept out, making sure to move slowly and keep her weight on her heel, like Amanda had taught her. It was actually pretty easy to do. She was like a ninja!

As she approached the two foot mark, Akko held her breath. Moving completely silently, she came right up on Diana. From there she crouched a little bit and moved her hands to just centimeters from Diana's sides…

 _And….Go!_

Akko grabbed Diana's side's and started doing her best to tickle her. The blonde jumped for sure, but the longer it went on the more it became clear.

Diana Cavendish was not ticklish.

Not ticklish, but very _annoyed._

The blonde closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to stay calm. "Akko?"

Her girlfriend stopped. "Y-yes Diana?"

Diana had the one that told Akko she was in trouble. "What are you doing?"

"T-trying to tickle you."

Diana sighed. "Why are you trying to tickle me?"

Akko turned quite red. "I-well I mean- it- gotta go!"

She hightailed it out of the library, leaving Diana to go back to her book with a sigh.

 **(~~~~Day Two~~~~)**

So Diana wasn't ticklish, but with her being so uptight, perhaps a joke of a less than clean nature might win Akko the day.

And so, knowing what needed to be done, Akko paid a visit to the queen of dirty jokes.

Amanda sat at the desk in her door room, chair back on two legs, feet crossed and resting on the desk "And so, you've come to me for help."

Akko nodded "Please."

Amanda took her feet off the desk, the chair landing on all fours with a _thunk_ , and leaned forward, her arms on her legs and an evil smile on her face "Ok, so this is what you're going to tell her…"

(*~*~*~*~*)

Standing at the end of the hallway and around a corner, Akko was sweating buckets. She had no idea how Diana was going to take it. She looked up at Amanda, her face a little red and fear in her eyes. Amanda, however, put a confident arm around Akkos shoulders. "Relax Kagari, you're going to be fine. Do it just like we practiced and Sucy won't be bothering you for two solid weeks. Ok here she comes, go get 'em!"

Amanda shoved Akko out into the hallway and right into Diana's path. There was some indistinct conversation while Akko tried to work up to the joke, but then she started to stutter and Amanda knew it was game over.

She poked her head around the corner in time to see Akko flee the scene, leaving behind a confused and slightly concerned Diana in the dust. Amanda face palmed before stepping out into the hallway. Akko may have failed, but she still wanted to know how Diana would handle a dirty joke. "Hey Cavendish! Here's a question for ya!"

(~*~*~*~*~)

Professor Chariot rounded the far corner and stepped into the hallway just in time for Akko to go racing past her. The concerned teacher half turned, considering whether to follow her or not, but before she could decide there was a loud, sudden laugh from the other end of the hall. She turned to see Diana, who was talking to a laughing Amanda, get a look of outrage on her face. There was a half second pause and then the blonde slapped the taller girl rather hard.

Chariot sighed. "Miss Cavendish!"

Diana turned away from the still laughing Amanda and walked up to the red head "Yes Professor?"

Chariot almost stuttered a little bit, sacrasly believing what was about to come out of her mouth. "I'm afraid you can't hit other students. I'm going to have to give you detention for that."

The blonde nodded. It was totally worth it.

 **(~~~~Day Four~~~~)**

On day three, Akko had barely seen Diana, and with the Amanda debacle, decided that it was better to just wait a day and let Diana cool off. She planned to let day four go by too, but fate seemed to have other ideas, because when she walked into Professor Ursula's room for detention, there sat the blonde at a table with a stack of broken brooms on her one side, tools in front of her, and a fixed broom on her otherside.

Akko stopped walking and looked around, wondering if maybe she had walked into the wrong classroom. Or maybe Sucy had fed her a hallucinatory mushroom again.

She was disproved, however, when Professor Chariot walked into the room. "Hello Akko. How are you?"

Akko turned away from Diana to face her teacher. "I'm alright. Professor, why is Diana here?"

"Miss O'Neill said something rather crass and quite vulgar to me." The blonde sounded off from behind her "I didn't appreciate it."

Chariot shook her head "She slapped her." Akkos eyes went huge. It was definitely a good thing she didn't tell that joke to Diana. "Anyway, Akko you and Diana are going to be repairing broken brooms today. Professor Nelson said no one is to leave until all brooms are repaired."

It was a bit of a lie. Nelson had said _Akko_ wasn't allowed to leave until they were all fixed, however Ursula felt that wasn't particularly fair, so she extended the ultimatum to Diana as well. She doubted it would take them long to do the job. Amanda O'Neil had been grounded for the the last two weeks and without her flying, there had been significantly less damage to the equipment. To top it off, Akko was an old pro at broom repair, she could probably open her own shop if she wanted. And Diana was, well, Diana.

Akko groaned at Ursula's statement and trudged over to the table, took a seat across from Diana, and picked up a pair of needle nose pliers. "Hey Professor, where's the other pair?"

Ursula didn't look look up from the desk drawer she was digging through. "I gave them to Diana. The last time you used them, you cut your hand open. Ladies, I think I'm going to have to run to the library, I'm leaving Diana in charge. Akko behave yourself please. I'll be back in a little while."

Akko pouted, her face indignant, while Diana nodded. "Don't worry Professor, we will be fine."

Ursula nodded and left, leaving the two alone in the quiet. Diana snipped a twig before placing another broom in the completed pile while Akko just sat there, staring at a broom with a snapped handle. Bored out of her mind already. The blonde took notice. "If you help, we'll be out of here sooner."

The brunette shook her head. "Do you think if we stall long enough, we can miss the test in Culinary magic tomorrow?"

Diana looked up at her "I _highly_ doubt that will work Akko. Besides, you're going to do fine. We studied for that test."

'I know, but Professor Badcock scares me. She's always so mean to me."

"You turned her desk into jello Akko. Honestly I doubt many people would appreciate that."

Akko crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, her arms crossed. "They would if they were hungry."

The young heiress sighed but didn't say anything, opting instead to just keep working. The minutes ticked by, both on them working silently, until Akko remembered something she had been meaning to ask her girlfriend. "Hey Diana?"

"Yes Akko?"

"Who was Guy Fawkes?"

That caught Diana's attention. She stopped and looked up at Akko. "He was an English radical who was involved in the failed Gunpowder Plot of 1605. He, along with several others, attempted to blow up Parliament by bringing in barrels of gunpowder and lighting them in an undercroft. The hope was to kill James I and bring a Catholic monarch back to the throne. How did you stumble onto him?"

Akko shrugged. "I was reading an old joke book and his name came up. I guess I get the joke now but I don't think it's very funny."

Diana's interest piqued "What was the joke?"

"Why did no one like parties thrown by Guy Fawkes? They failed to end with a bang."

The blonde started to giggle loudly, apparently enjoying the joke. And then, surprisingly, snorted. She stopped cold and covered her mouth with her hand, her cheeks reddening as embarrassment set in.

 _So that's why she never laughs._ Understanding dawned on Akko as she herself giggled a little. "You have a cute laugh."

Diana lowered her hand but wouldn't make eye contact with Akko. "Ah, thank you."

Akko watched Diana as she went back to work on her broom, cheeks still red. No wonder she never laughed in public, the snorting must have been mortifying for her.

 _I can't humiliate her like that. Sucy can win the bet, I'll just deal with it. I won't do that to Diana. I can't._

Akko watched Diana work again, and couldn't help but smile to herself. She really cared about Diana. It was hard to believe that that amazing girl sitting across from her was her girlfriend. She was so lucky.

Diana must have noticed Akko watching her, because she stopped what she was doing and looked up at her, eyebrows raised. "Did you need something?"

Akko blushed. "I-um- do you want to hang out tonight?"

Diana looked at her, considering things. She did have that essay that was due in a week, but she could afford to put it off by a day. "I think I would like that. We just need to make sure we finish up these brooms so we have time."

That put a smile on Akkos face for sure. "I can't wait!"

 **(~*~*~*~*~ Day Seven ~*~*~*~*~)**

11:40 A.M.

 _Twenty minutes and it's game over._ Akko sighed. The next two weeks would be horrible, but she supposed it was worth it. She couldn't bring herself to embarrass Diana like that, she cared for her too much. And besides, Sucy experimented on her all the time anyway. So these two weeks wouldn't be any different.

Akko poked at her salad glumly. She was so focused on it she didn't hear someone set their lunch tray down next to her and take a seat. She didn't really notice until a soft, delicate hand was reaching over and taking hers. "Akko, please stop mutilating the salad."

The brunette looked up with a small smile. "Hey Diana."

The blonde squeezed her hand. "When your friends come over, I want you to tell me that joke again, alright?"

"Wait what?" before Akko could question her further, however, Lotte and Sucy came over with their trays and sat down.

"Hi Diana, how are you?"

"I'm well Lotte, thank you for asking. How are you?"

Lotte glanced over at Akko, who was poking at her salad again. "I'm doing alright. Where are Hannah and Barbara? Its odd seeing you without them."

"Oh, they're eating with the orange team today. They're doing a project that's due tomorrow and they're behind, so I thought I would eat with you and Akko, if that's alright?"

Lotte nodded. "Of course. You're always welcomed here!" She was secretly hoping that maybe Akko would be able to make the blonde laugh in the next fifteen minutes, but all Akko seemed to be interested in was stabbing her salad. She sighed. "So Diana, how are your classes going? I heard your taking Magical Law?"

Diana nodded "I am. It's a difficult class, but I enjoy the challenge." She glanced over at Akko and sighed to herself before firmly but gently kicking Akko under the table. The stubborn brunette, however, didn't even flinch.

The blonde was pretty much silently begging Akko to say something, anything, even remotely funny. _Fifteen minutes left. Come on Akko please…_

The minutes ticked by, and finally, noon rolled around.

That was it. Sucy won. None of them would bring it up in front of Diana, details would be discussed later, but Diana knew what was about to be in store for poor Akko. And she couldn't understand _why._ "Akko, can I talk to you for a second in private?"

The young witch nodded and stood, following her girlfriend out of the cafeteria and into an empty classroom. Diana barley had the door closed before she was rounding on her girlfriend "Akko, _why?"_

"Hmm? _Why_ what Diana?"

"Don't play coy with me Akko. I know about your bet with Sucy, Hannah told me after she heard another student talking about it. Why didn't you try? I gave you every chance!"

Akko rubbed the back of her head and wouldnt look Diana in the eye. "Well… You got so embarrassed when I told you that stupid joke back in detention. I didn't want to do that to you in public."

Diana's face softened as she realized what Akko was saying. She didn't want to embarrass her in public, even if it meant two weeks of unlimited potion testing.

The smile on Diana's face as she came forward was genuine. She kissed Akko tenderly. "Thank you, Akko. I don't know what to say."

Akko smiled back, happy to see a real smile on Diana's usually neutral face. Then she leaned in and kissed Diana on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight, right?"

"Of course Akko. I wouldn't miss it." There was just one last errand Diana had to run.

(~*~*~*~*~)

As per usual, Sucy was spending her free time in Professor Lukics lab, running tests on some mushroom or other, making it easy for Diana to find her. She walked up to Sucy, coming to a stop next to her table and leaning against the one next to it. "Hello Miss Manbavaran."

"Hello Diana. Can I help you with something?"

"Nothing in particular. I just wanted to extend my congratulations to you for winning the bet with Akko."

Sucy eyed her suspiciously.

" I also wanted to remind you of what happened the last time serious harm came to Akko, and make sure you understand what would happen should any sort of harm come to her again."

Sucy chuckled. "No offence Diana, but you're not exactly intimidating."

The blonde wasn't joking, however, and decided to pull one of her aces. "I shouldn't have to remind you that I have access to your dorm, not only as a school prefect, but as Akkos girlfriend. I would hate to come in one day and see that your mushrooms disappeared. That would be quite tragic. You have several rare ones from what I understand."

The silence spoke volumes. Sucy tried to find something, anything, to fire back with but Diana had her cornered. Finally, she turned her attention back to the dissected mushroom in front of her and resumed cutting into it. "I suppose it would be."

Diana nodded and moved away from the table. "Good. I'm glad we have an understanding."

With that the young witch left the lab, an _almost_ noticeable spring in her step. Akko had put herself on the line to protect her, it was the least she could do to try to look out for her. Diana turned down a hallway and set off for her dorm to get her books for her next class, but really she was more excited for her second date of the week with Akko. Naturally, she wouldn't tell her about what she said to Sucy, but she would make sure she found something to help soothe the young woman's fears. It would be ok, Diana would make sure of it.


End file.
